affectations
“We artful dodgers act as if we do not understand the New Testament, because we realize full well that we should have to change our way of life drastically. That is why we invented “religious education” and “christian doctrine.” Another concordance, another lexicon, a few more commentaries, three other translations, because it is all so difficult to understand. Yes, of course, dear God, all of us… we would be lost if it were not for “scholarly doctrine” (Kierkegaard)
How empty is all this pretension… studying the Word, in place of actually living it… complicating what He wants to make clear to us. Knowing but deceiving ourselves…
denying the life-giving truth.
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23-24)
live genuinely or perish illusively
some people i would like to thank…
Christine Heeyoung Kim has requested that I post “Christine is the best” on my blog… but ya… even though i’m sometimes mean to her and don’t always tell her i appreciate her… this post is dedicated to her and saying that i will kinda miss her after she graduates and as much as her faulty grammar really astounds me and leads me to question the admission standards of UCLA… i definitely enjoyed serving with her this year (and all of the core members for that matter)
we were all sharing our results from the strengthfinder test and i know it’s weird… since we all met up like every week (i saw the same people in core like 3-4 times a week)… but it wasn’t until last friday that i felt like i really saw them (hahahaha like the whole avatar thing… “i see you”…)
and ya… i felt bad because i have been serving/praying/working with this group of people for the whole year and it took me until last friday to really see them and appreciate them for the unique people that each of them were. hearing them share about their year and their strengths and individual experiences… i was able to see them beyond being just the other members of core and really grow to love and appreciate them as fellow brothers/sisters. i know it’s lame and probably overdue.. but i wanted to say thank you to core and that i really appreciated their patience (with my chronic tardiness) and just with my own weaknesses and i really thank God for the opportunity to serve with them this year…
so.. sorry heeyoung.. but this post is now dedicated to all of core (i doubt any of you read my blog ahaha) but still.. thanks a lot for an awesome year 
go next year’s core!!!
beloved
it’s always fun finding tiny bits of wisdom from the most unlikely of sources… i was watching glee today and there was this touching scene betwee Kurt and his father… Kurt’s gay and he was trying to change himself so that he could have an easier relationship with his dad… and his dad said something to him that was really touching
“it’s your job to be yourself. it’s my job to love your no matter what”
and ya…even though it’s far from being religious… that quote made me think about God’s love as the Father for us… for me as His beloved.
i want to wake up every morning and remind myself that He loves me first… so I can go out and even if the day sucks, even if it’s awesome, even if i fail miserably and the whole world comes crashing down… i know that at the end of the day… no matter what I did or said or thought… His love for me will not change. all i have to do is be myself…grounded in the realization and acceptance that He loves me.
“my job is to be myself… live as the beloved joy of my Father. His job is to love me no matter what”
brokenness
some things were never meant to be broken
people often talk about how God created us with eternity in mind, and that we were born with this intrinsically in our nature… but after the fall, mankind experienced a violent separation from all that it was made for… that’s why in our fallen world there is so much unhappiness, loneliness, despair, and just an incessant sense of dissatisfaction…
during those darker times, it’s so easy to wallow in self-pity and just let the negativity envelop you… but when you really stop to think about it… the implications of why we feel that sense of emptiness or lacking… we have an explanation and an understanding that the rest of the world doesn’t… while sadness is simply accepted as a given part of life (which it is), at least we know that it’s because we were made for greater… and that God intended us for eternity with Him, an existence full of peace and unconditional love
but, reality is that we’re living in this fallen world and, though we’re blessed and fortunate in that we have a hope beyond and a Savior to set the path for us to get there,we are still tragically fallen- creatures intended for eternity living in a world of ephemerality and uncertainty
some things were never meant to be broken… families, relationships, hearts…
we were never meant to be broken… but this world tries and tries to shatter us… to drive us away from our true identity and God’s intention for us to experience a world of completeness. in this world full of brokenness… people more than ever are desperate for a Healer… only God can put the pieces back together…
“I thank God in remembrance of you, always offering prayer with joy in my every prayer for you all, in view of your participation in the gospel from the first day until now. For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:3-6 NASB)
emo days
blahh… the emo days are coming back… and journaling is my go to outlet…
i need to get off the computer and live in reality of the present…
the human memory is faulty, it’s constantly forgetting… maybe that’s God’s way of showing mercy because He knows that, as much as there are good things to remember, there are also hurts He wants us to be able to forget
but there are things that capture moments, images, memories… and one glance will send all the memories rushing back… i need to re-invest in my mental levies… because i really can’t afford any floods right now… life has been peaceful… please don’t let the storms come up again…
blaaah… today was an emo day.
my sister is cooler than yours
so randomly i get these really cute emails from annabelle, my 7 year old sister 
she’s young, but she’s already computer savvy and in some ways her grammar/spelling is comparable to even ucla college students (cough cough jaemin lee) here’s an example of why my sister is so adorable ^______^
hi aney how are you.Guess what I,m starting a new Junie B. Jones book.Its called Junie B.Jones and a little Monkey Business.
Me and mommy decarated the chrismas tree and it looks sooooooooo pretty.And daddy hanged the lights up and we got new chrismas lights.
from your sister Annabelle.Please write back.PS I love you sooooooo much
it’s official. my sister is the best
it’s the holidays!
yay! so excited for this holiday season… for some reason it feels a lot more like christmas this year than it did during previous years… maybe it’s because apt 120 has gone all out and decorated our home… haha it looks like christmas has exploded on one side of our apt
basically… our apt looks like this:
just have to remind myself the reason for celebration we got the very best present from God and even though it’s kind of late (being december 3rd and all… HAPPY BIRTHDAY to elaine btw!) i’m want to try and remember a verse to countdown the 25 (i guess 22 now) days of christmas!
“9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ” (Phillipians 1:9-10)
love grows with knowledge… (hopefully) the more you know about God and of others, your love for them grows deeper… i don’t feel like like i’ve taken time enough to get to know Him. whatever excuses i come up with… nothing substantially holds for why i continuously push my relationship with Him to the backburner, assuming that i can rest on my past laurels/knowledge/experiences. Love isn’t automatic… it’s a choice and it takes a lot of effort to grow in your love… and this season i want to remember the reason for everything good in my life… for love, hope, peace, forgiveness… that they all come from Him and even though there are so many things greater than me… His love surpasses anything i can ever imagine or hope to reach myself… and that’s reason for celebration
be happy!
lessons learned from hawaii
So as some people already know, I think it is important to make individual efforts to protect the environment… think of it as an act of stewardship or, for you selfish ones out there, maybe concern for you own grandkids may instigate you to pick up after yourself, recycle when possible, and not take hour long showers (yes… you caroline).
anyways… in Hawaii I’ve discovered a very interesting, but effective means of being green. There’s this golf course next to our hotel, and basically, instead of using a machine, these savvy Hawaiians have placed a bunch of goats on the course to serve as a kind of natural lawn mower. Ingenious, no? The goats get fed, the grass is trimmed, and they provide natural fertilizer… it’s a win win situation!
then again there is the whole possibility of potentially killing a goat with a golf ball…
but, inconsequential in respect to the overall idea. Good job Hawaii! America, take notes.
the enemy of best is good
there are lots of things that are good, but few that are best for us…
for example: playing bejeweled at three in the morning is good (stress relief), but probably studying for my midterm tomorrow would be best
sometimes i get the feeling that life is just a routine… like where’s the LIFE in it? it’s like a bejeweled game… maybe the first few times are entertaining, but after a while it’s like self-torture… you hate yourself for repeatedly pressing that cursed “play” button and start to resent that absurdly low “go” voice… and when you close your eyes you see jewels blowing up in your head and before you know it it’s 3 hours later and you’re no where closer to accomplishing anything of value (unless you consider climbing the ranks of facebook bejeweled valuable, which, let’s face it, if you’re wasting your time reading my blog, you probably do)… you find yourself in an inescapable routine of start and go and no matter how hard you try, you’re basically right back where you started. but there’s more to life… there’s gotta be…
maybe the problem is not that we’re not ever satisfied, but that we’re too easily satisfied.
maybe i should stop filling my time, mind, and heart with all the good and seek for the best.
Remember, God has the best to offer… seek Him first and all these things shall be given unto you.
moral of the story: bejeweled is the devil’s work.
twilight
so today i went to panera with my friend pauline and we were talking about twilight and whether or not we were team edward or team jacob… and basically the conversation turned to this deep philosophical connection to guy/girl relationships
“He is like a drug to you, Bella.” His voice was still gentle, not at all critical. “I see that you can’t live without him now. It’s too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun.”
The corner of my mouth turned up in a wistful half smile. “I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me.”
He Sighed. “The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.” (Meyer)
so basically… so many girls are like bella! they want to excitement and the passion and the thrill of “edward”… he’s like a drug that you know isn’t any good for you (i mean vampire… how much more self-destructive can u get when choosing a guy?) but he’s so alluring and makes you feel alive when you’re with him and when things are good… but you start to need more and then get all addicted and that’s when you start to crash (and everything else becomes insignificant as long as you can get your next fix… all your time, money, and thoughts go to it) that’s what happened to bella.
and then there’s the jacobs of this world. those incredibly nice, faithful, stable guys that are too good of a catch to put into the friend category but not exactly enough to captivate your heart. you know that guy who’s always there…. always says the right things and makes you feel safe… he doesn’t give you that pulse racing, heart throbbing, can’t-get-enough-of-you kind of high like edward, but he’s constant and there’s no up and downs with him… it’s a steady coast.
but why do girls like twilight so much? is it really for jacob? i don’t think so… it’s the torrid passion between bella and edward… why do they always choose that guy.. you know the guy that can’t express his emotions except in really obscure, barely noticeable kind acts (that aren’t really that nice in isolation, but only seem so because of all the crappy things they normally do… ya i’m talking to you carol and your krn drama obsession) it’s a constant theme in all dramas/romances and girls love it! they can’t get enough of those gujunpyo’s and those edwards out there who honestly not that great… sure they really care about the girl but they can’t show it right so what’s the point.. you’d rather have an emotionally retarded (excuse me… challenged) guy?
blah…anyways i’m a proponent of team jacob all the way. honestly, i’m so a bella at heart… and it’s annoying that girls are like that…i’m definitely on team edward… but still a little part of me wishes bella chose jacob…i’m rooting for you jacob! (and all you jacobs out there)
